Who knows

Its been quite a while since i've updated, I only seem to come and post when I need to vent. It gives me chance to let everything out in the open so I don't have to keep it bottled up inside of me.

We had Alexis's first christmas. It was so amazing, seeing her get all excited for her presents. She made out as one spoiled baby. She is almost 9 months old and gosh, the time is flying by. I hate how fast its going. I recently quit my job at Gymboree, so I wouldn't miss anything.

I feel like she is never gonna crawl. She took her 1st step towards crawling today and I was so happy I got to see it. I know they say every baby is different, but it's so frustrating to see babies younger than Alexis crawling. I don't care when people say she is gonna be into everything. I want her into everything at this point.

I loved working at Gymboree, it gave me a chance to be out of the house, and to make some extra money. I didn't want to quit, but I rather quit then miss any of my little girls milestone. It was nice getting the discount and have Alexis always dressed in cute clothes. But I'm glad I left on good terms.

Lately I haven't been feeling so good about myself. I don't feel pretty anymore, I never want to take the time to get all dolled up, even if its just to Walmart. I always used to. I think my new "mom" body is getting to me as well. Whenever I walk by a cute bathing suit, I always say to myself, "I'll never be able to wear a two piece again". It sucks, I mean I love the reason why my body is now like this, but I hate not feeling pretty anymore.

I'm always tired now, it seems no matter how much sleep I get, I'm exhausted the next day. I think my postpartum is still lingering. I'm already on meeds, and I don't want to have to go up a dosage, but I want to feel happy again.